Today Brandon and I finished up our child birth education classes through a local organization called Birth Matters. We had intended to just take the “refresher” class because we’d already gone through their CBE class when I was pregnant with Nora, but there weren’t any other families interested within our time frame, so we opted so sit through the whole deal again. And it was fantastic, again, too.
It was really different going through it as a 2nd time around-er though. The first time, as I’m sure many of the other new parents in our class, we had sat down and watched The Business of Being Born, and suddenly had a fire lit within to not be another cog in the wheel of the birth system. Of course, after our experience with home birth and transfer, we do have a small measure of appreciation that parts of that system do exist and function well. And yet, I still cannot imagine planning a hospital birth. It’s just not my style, especially after being able to labor and deliver Nora entirely at home and then transfer safely to the hospital after.
However, I do have the perspective of having a complication arise that was very sudden and not preventable. And I had to come to my own peace with those events and the possibility that it could happen again. Or something else. So as we sat through the class, we heard again about all the different pieces of technology and interventions that hospitals offer, and I felt suddenly wiser. The first time I heard all those same things, but in my head I said, “Not me, I’m having this baby at home.” Today, I hear myself saying, “This is not my plan, but if it has to go this way for our safety, I’m glad I understand how to navigate these scenarios.”
And that is so empowering.
I feel released from any potential guilt or feelings of failure. I feel like I can make choices in the moment and not be held to any invisible standard of what ‘home birth’ is supposed to be. It’s just… birth. And I want it to be safe and peaceful and full of joy for our whole family. And I’m starting to feel ready again.