parenting pregnancy

Weaning Day

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I know I said I was going to go back and review some of the big things that happened over the past three months, but I’ve got to talk about the present for a moment.

You see, it’s weaning day.

It’s here and even though I knew it was coming, the suddenness of it saddens me.  I wish I had been able to continue until Nora had decided she was done, but we have reached the point where no one is able to function in our house. I’m 4 months pregnant now, and I’ve pretty much been hating nursing since I was just a couple weeks in. It’s… excruciating. (Excuse the graphic nature of this next part.) The only way I can describe it is like my nipples are being cut and stabbed with little knives and needles. It’s hard to even stand under the shower.

So I knew we were going to have to wean, and soon. But I kept hanging on because it’s pretty much the only way I know how to get Nora to sleep in less than two hours (I’m not kidding.) We’ve never practiced cry it out, and this just worked, so why fix what isn’t broken? Because of the sheer exhaustion I felt during the first trimester, we just toughed it out. We cut back to nursing exclusively to initiate/continue sleep. And it worked for a while. But now… now the system is broken.

My milk supply is pretty much gone, which has been frustrating her more and more, and her sleep has just been worse and worse.  I should be finally feeling a bit more rested, and on nights where we’re only up once or twice, I actually feel pretty good.  Brandon has been helping a lot to let me sleep in on the weekends, but after several weeknights of getting 4 hours of interrupted sleep (or less), I was falling apart.  I have been impatient, easily frustrated, even yelling and hiding, and just generally not being the kind of parent I want to be.

This morning at 4am, Nora was awake, for the second day in a row. I’d had two hours of sleep because she’d been up nursing several times already. I lost it. I just sobbed while Brandon stepped in and finally we got her to sleep without nursing… at 6:30. But it was enough for me to acknowledge that this time has finally come. If I can hold on by myself for naptime (or lack thereof) today and tomorrow, we can tag team through the weekend, and maybe after 4 days she’ll start to get the hang of bedtime without the “boobies.”

I know that in all honesty, this may take a couple of weeks for her to really adjust… or even longer. But we can’t put it off anymore. And she will not be left alone to cry herself to sleep still. We’ll help her learn, and all be frustrated and exhausted and sad together. But because she is so loved, I have to draw the line today. I am a gentle parent, and it’s weaning day.

around the house family pregnancy

Ketchup

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I’m sorry. I know I fell off the earth. Again. I just couldn’t write what I wanted to write when I thought we might be pregnant, and then once it was official, I was so lost in the symptoms of exhaustion and nausea, I could barely keep my life going forward and be a parent, let alone write about it. So here we go with everything that has happened in the mean time. I’ll try to do a few updates in the next few days with all the highlights, but the major bullet points are:
-We’re having a baby. In September.
-Nora is TWO FRIGGIN YEARS OLD. How did that happen?
-We really need to sell our old house.
-We had a semi major catastrophe at our new house that STILL isn’t all the way fixed.

I’m sure there’s lots of other cool stuff I’m skipping over. But… pregnancy brain. Can’t help it. More later, loves!

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musings pregnancy

Dear Baby

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For real?
For real.
Here we go again.
Or rather, here I go again. You, love, are brand new, just a few thousand cells. Or maybe a few million, I’m not the best guesser, especially now.
I’d like to say, chill out, I got this, but I can’t bring myself to be that cocky. But I do kind of know how this might go, and together we’ll figure out the rest.

musings

Thank you

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Thank you warmth and shelter sweet.
Thank you water, and food to eat.
Thank you family and precious friends.
Thank you rules that I can bend.
Thank you lies old and new.
Heaven knows I’ve told a few.
Thank you corruption and those two-faced.
God forbid we give with grace.
Thank you poison, thank you weed.
Thank you carnage, gluttony, and greed.
Thank you cancer and fucking final death.
Thanks for our American wealth.

musings

Domesticated

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Got no needles,
But she’ll sew up that hem
With her bones.
No thread, neither
But she plucks her hairs and lashes
Til the job is done.

She rings the bell for supper.
Got no meat but there’s
Flesh of breast and thigh.
She don’t talk back
With out a tongue.

The perfect wife.

musings

Dear Rachael, 18 years old

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Look at you. You’re a fool
As anyone your age should be.
Dreamer and schemer, too.
Already you know
The steep price of love
And the power pleasure buys.
You’re greedy and selfish.
(Who can blame you?)
No restraint or qualms.
Your oyster is your oyster,
A golden ticket.
This life will get much harder for you.
Making your own way,
Rejecting anything by the book,
Even the Good Book,
So full of promises, you gag.
But low as you will sink,
(And sink, you surely will)
Peace finds you at the bottom.